Jess and Jeremy 

We Live in a "Don't Fuck with the Ox" World...

Well... thought I would take a few secs from work. So I spent this past weekend at Jess's house. Saturday, I went over after shooting at the range and helped to dig 18" x 8" holes in their backyard that will eventually be filled with cement to support the fence they are putting in. Then, after eating dinner, we all went over and I ran the cotton candy machine at a neighborhood movie night outreach in nearby Gainesville. We joked that I had "found my calling" making cotton candy because I was so good at it... apparently, I was a natural and made it better than anyone else had done before.

Jess came back around 10:30pm from Missouri... and it was awesome... I just remember thinking that I was so happy that I had met her, that I loved her and that we were together :)

Here's the church that Jess and her family attends: New Life Christian Church

I've been attending for the last month for Sunday morning services... I've enjoyed them and I also have a few friends (Eric and Chad) attend as well who used to go to McLean Bible Church.

Jess and I are running into physical affection boundary issues. The best part is that we are both seeking Christ and want to have a Christ-centered relationship. This fact is new to both of us in relationships since we have been unequally yoked in past relationships. It's so much better when we can both pray together before we hang out or spend time alone so we stay on track and don't stumble. I'm also learning to become the spiritual leader and having a spiritual encourager like Jess is great... when she prayed the other night it was really great because I saw that she wanted the same type of relationship that I wanted. I really enjoy being with her!! I enjoy playing guitar with her and harmonizing with her singing and playing worship music... really great stuff!!

We're signing up for the Building Lasting Relationships seminar at my church at the end of the month -- and I've been communicating with people like my friend Eric from church, Dave in Pittsburgh... Randy... and with the Young Adults Pastor, Jim Supp at McLean Bible Church about a possible couple mentoring program with young married couples. God had the foresight to put me with 3 Christian roommates back in July who will hold me accountable at my home... and with Jess living at home, we have less opportunities to be tempted or place ourselves in tough situations.

Anyway, good stuff...

Of course... the cat is probably coming out of the bag with Jess's parents and her own female spiritual influencer (the wife of one of the pastors who I met and spoke with last night)... because Jess had made a promise not to kiss the next person until it was her husband on her wedding day. I will not call this promise "stupid" (although I jokingly may have made a comment like this last night)... It was a genuine commitment made to God and it was probably done at the right place at the right time... God is blessing her as a result.. I had actually made a similar promise to God saying that the only woman I would EVER kiss would become my wife -- my promise, coupled with the Wesslyan perfectionistic teachings we grew up with in the Fellowship led me down a road with my last relationship that attempted to make sense and justify one illogical action after the next based on a promise -- in the hope that things would work out and all the illogical decisions would some how come full circle and make sense or something because I had prayed about it and "believed" that I hadn't screwed up or made a poor decision because no warning bells had gone off initially, etc... -- which ended up to never be the case!

Anyway, it's easy to make a commitment to not kiss someone and pretend that temptation doesn't exist or has been thwarted as a result... we found that a "not kissing" vow was like putting up a single lane road block on a 4-lane highway... which basically makes it easy to avoid the physical affection "discussion" issues entirely and for other temptations to crop up because we leave them as a sidelined, non-discussed issue. Great idea on paper and in theory, but not very practical or realistic when actually in a relationship with someone you love and find attractive. So we are kissing, holding hands, hugging... talking very openly about the realities, challenges and expectations of it all... very open about the possibilities of marriage -- dating each other for a purpose -- and enjoying our relationship. Certainly, we don't want our physical relationship to be the focal point of our relationship and neither of us wants to hurt the other. I've had lengthy discussions with my friend Dave and with Randy about these issues.

Of course, Jess's parents right now and her friend and mentor (Lisa, the pastor's wife... who is also writing a book on women and sex coincidentally) are all thinking she is holding this vow, etc.. and it's going to make for some very interesting discussions in the days and weeks to come as the discussion opens up. Jess is worried that they will be disappointed in her decision to say it's "ok" if we kiss... My immediate question here is "what's in it for them?" I would really hope that people would be supportive in what ever boundaries -- and more importantly PRINCIPLES we put in place in our relationship to stay the course... and that we both have the same goals in mind. I waited until she said that she was okay with it, wanted me to kiss her and that God would want me to :) of course of which I just happened to concur... And so of course there could be a few tense moments, but I've been purposely staying close with her family, getting to know them and allowing them to get to know my character.. No point scoring intended (hoping to ease the tension though).. no hidden agendas..

So now we are into theology and I've really had some great conversations with Dave about this whole thing... especially the whole idea of courtship and not having any sort of physical relationship vs. dating / kissing etc of course with the realities that there's always a chance we could screw up and stumble... So do we live a "safe" life in a black and white world... trying to protect ourselves from the reality of it all? I'm agreeing with Dave that courtship and not kissing isn't very practical when we look at it in an "MA" rated society and reality that we are exposed to in everyday life. We live in a "don't fuck with the ox" world... We can set up safe communities or "bubbles" like Geneva or Ozark Christian College -- and these are great places... but we need to be careful not to censor or leave the potentially dangerous tools out of the students' toolbag out of fear of being hurt or injured. What would happen if a carpenter was being trained with tools, and all he ever had was a rubber mallet with rubber nails? Pretty soon, the student drops the mallet or hits a finger or sticks himself with a rubber nail... "Hmm.. that didn't hurt?" the student might say... and soon, poor habits develop.. One day, he gets to a real job and suddenly drives a steel nail through his thumb... SOOOO... I would quite frankly be scared to death not to be faced with these difficult challenges physically in a relationship because being sheltered from them is not realistic!

Life isn't black and white... if we make it black and white, trying to protect ourselves from life's "gray" areas -- in essence trying to stop the potential for screwing up and/or suffering, it's just not gonna work, and as my good friend and mentor, Dave discussed with me this morning on my commute into the city... that trying to usher in a binary society of rights and wrongs will fail because of the total depravity of mankind... That's reformed theology at its best anyways...

And I look at the fruit in a relationship .. and whether Jess and I are both drawing closer or further apart from God... that's the essence of having a Christ-centered relationship. And I can say that setting up boundaries is a good idea... however, the more do's and dont's or created lists we come up with -- does not supplant the need for Christ to remain the focus and source of our inner strength and desire to remain pure. Rules can be adhered to... I'm a master at following written rules -- and finding loopholes -- it's actually one of my creative personality traits... I'm in sales... ever heard of maximizing commissions from a compensation plan??? So there are general "logical and practical" principles we will follow -- like... hey... we both made the decision to kiss because it was the right thing to do for us... it got us to address our physical relationship, reign in passions and vocalize our feelings.

Peace.

I'm back... and some changes are coming...

I'm going to be changing the style and direction of my site in coming days and months. From time to time, I may write about topics and subjects that I have in the past, but in these days of transition, I'm be writing on a wider array of issues and topics. To begin, let me start with what happened today...

This morning, I was telling my friend Ron a funny story (I'll recollect that in a later post) about picking up my girlfriend Jess for church and he mentioned McLean Bible Church -- which led to a discussion about church and I found out that one of my close co-workers attends McLean Bible Church sometimes. In fact, all three of us "sales" guys working today have regularly attended McLean in the past year. This could produce some interesting dynamics for the future -- I'm going to invite my co-worker to come with me to Frontline this Sunday. My co-worker mentioned that he liked the senior pastor, Lon Solomon...

Anyway , so I was walking back from Rochester's Big & Tall this morning after buying a new belt and as I came around the corner of CVS in front of my office, a lady with a Jews for Jesus shirt was handing out tracts. I decided to walk past and told her that I already "had one" -- but as I continue walking, a short guy comes bouncing towards me with tract and in a familiar voice says "hey buddy, I've got something you should read!" And it's none other than Lon Solomon himself... very cool. Right in front of my office handing out tracts wearing a Jews for Jesus shirt -- the senior pastor of a 10,000 member church... in the trenches for Christ, leading by example...

So as he approaches wearing this big shades in shorts and a t-shirt, I smile and shout "LON SOLOMON!" and stick out my hand... totally caught him off guard... he probably was wondering if he knew me... anyway, he asked who I was, and after a few words, he told me to take a tract and to pray for them. I prayed.

Reflecting on these events, I remember how Christ has called us all to lead by example, to be lights in this world... to be servant leaders (a running theme in my business courses when I attended Geneva College). It's interesting to compare this encounter with a recent article published on the front page of the Washington Post entitled "A Pastor With A Drive To Convert" which is an article all about Lon Solomon and the mega-church that he built, McLean Bible Church.

As I sit in my cubicle at work, I think of the leaders both past and present at the companies I've worked for... how many leaders were in the trenches with their people? How many Herb Kelleher's were there? How many Andy Grove's? Did they stoop into the trenches and get their hands dirty? Did they really know what it was like? And then I realize that of the three struggling companies I have worked for since graduating college, I can only name one out of twelve who met this criteria. Does Lon Solomon know what it's like to be a Christian? To stand up with his hand raised saying "I believe in Jesus" regardless of the consequence? No editorial could do him justice... I think his actions answered those questions this morning. And then it all comes into focus. . .

Lead by example... be genuine... serve others...

Peace.